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 HIS
IS AN ARTICLE for Catholic married couples. It is not
for everyone, although any reader is welcome. I want to
share with you a secret that Gary (my husband) and I have
discovered that has really improved our physical enjoyment
in marriage.
 This
secret is well kept. It is not that no one has heard about
it; it is that the secret has been shrouded under a veil
which is only now beginning to lift. This veil is not the
Church's fault. She has been roundly scolded by most of the
world for trying to share this secret. The veil is on our
own minds and understanding for being so stupid as to
believe the world is smarter than the Church. Read on.
I'm
an average woman with an average husband. We both are
baptized and love God. Good? Fantastic! This is exactly what
is required to pick up our cross daily and follow Jesus,
obeying the teachings of his Church, which bring love, peace
and happiness to our marriage.
In
the Catechism of the Catholic Church, it states that when
two baptized people get married they enter a matrimonial
covenant which is a partnership for their entire lives.
(#1601) Men and women were created for one another as well
as for the procreation and education of children. The
vocation of faithful and mutual love between the spouses is
an image of God's unfailing love for mankind. This sounds
beautiful, but how is it accomplished? How can a couple
share sexual love and openness to life to best fulfil the
vocation of marriage? Humanae Vitae raises up natural
planning methods as the way.
"In
fact, as experience bears witness, not every conjugal act is
followed by a new life. God has wisely disposed natural laws
and rhythms of fecundity which, of themselves cause a
separation in the succession of births. (Remember, each act
must remain open to the transmission of life - no
contraceptives.)" (#11 parenthesis, his)
No
matter where you are at with the Church's teaching about
using natural methods to regulate the birth of children,
with love for God, hang in there, keep praying, and stay
open. Gary and I and many other couples have discovered this
great secret: the Church is really right about Natural
Family Planning. The results are wonderful. There are some
misconceptions that I will address and a strong invitation
that I will make.
The
first misconception is ignorance about two things: the call
of Christ in conjunction with the teachings of the Church
for married couples, and the knowledge required for
effective natural family planning.
Conjugal
love needs to respect the natural laws of fertility which
acknowledge that man is not the arbiter of human life, but
only the minister of the design created by God. Artificial
contraception is a definite no because it impedes the
development of natural processes, thus showing neither
respect nor surrender to God our Father. Artificial
contraception also shows a lack of openness to life and a
less than full honest love. I believe that a choice to give
this area over to God is a sign of a fundamental decision to
love God and others.
The
basic decision to be open to life in our conjugal love
fosters relationships of love and trust between spouses and
children. We start to see virtues such as patience,
understanding, discipline, cooperation, purity, and mutual
love and respect develop in our families. Families are built
up with an attitude of love and reverence for each other and
for God our Creator.
Natural
Family Planning is also scorned because many people
are ignorant about it. This biologically natural method
requires education. A couple cannot effectively use this
method without learning about the fertility signs that
accompany a woman's cycle. This gives rise to the old joke:
What do you call a couple who uses Natural Family Planning?
Parents! This information needs to be made more accessible
for the average married people in our parishes. Instruction
from a Serena couple is a great introduction, but most
couples need more encouragement and ongoing rapport to bring
security and success with this method.
Overwhelming
fear is another hurdle fueled by ignorance. However the
decision to love God helps to overcome fear so that one can
persevere. I know this from experience. Two things helped
Gary and me. First of all, we prayerfully decided to follow
this method to the best of our ability while searching for
information to understand it better. The statement of the
Canadian Bishops on the Encyclical Humanae Vitae (see #34)
supports an honest search for the truth. Our unity with the
Church consists in a union of faith and heart, in submission
to God's will and a humble but honest and ongoing search for
the truth.
Secondly,
we decided to embrace the reality that if I became pregnant,
it was good. No matter what the cost or what others think of
us, God knew what he was doing. We could trust him for his
grace and strength. 1 Peter 3:13-17 offers consolation.
No
one can hurt you if you are determined to do only what is
right; and blessed are you if you have to suffer for being
upright. 'Have no dread of them; have no fear.' Simply
proclaim the Lord Christ holy in your hearts, and always
have your answer ready for people who ask you the reason for
the hope that you have. But give it with courtesy and
respect and with a clear conscience, so that those who
slander your good behaviour in Christ may be ashamed of
their accusations. And if it is the will of God that you
should suffer, it is better to suffer for doing right than
for doing wrong.
Still
another difficulty is immaturity. Sometimes couples enter
the sacrament of Marriage unprepared to live out the full
call. Seeking pleasure, careers and money overrides their
openness to procreation and learning natural methods.
Undeveloped consciences may lead the couple to embrace the
status quo: artificial contraception, which is easy and
convenient, seems to offers them control but really robs
them of fullness of life and true love.
There
is hope. Every sacramental marriage is equipped with the
grace of God which calls us to the teaching of the Church
regarding openness to life. Sometimes people face grave
circumstances; such as the reconciling of conjugal love and
responsible parenthood with the education of the children
already born or with the health of the mother. These
situations must prayerfully and carefully be examined in the
light of the Church's teaching. Whatever course is taken
must be chosen honestly, with a conscience formed by true
doctrine. Go for the true way, not the easy way.
After
many years of searching, Gary and I have come into a
wonderful care for each other. Through the encouragement and
teaching of ordinary Catholic couples, we discovered the
Natural Family Planning method that worked for us. Not only
has Natural Family Planning worked wonderfully for us, it has
dramatically improved our enjoyment of each other. Even
physical love, when it is filled with God's grace, becomes
terrific. My invitation: if you are using contraceptives,
please stop. Phone your parish priest; he can refer you to a
Catholic couple who will teach you natural family planning.
If you cannot do this, phone Olive Leaf. We will help you.
That
we make mistakes and are weak is part of our human
condition. We turn to Jesus for forgiveness, strength and
courage to embrace all he asks of us. United with him we
have grace and faith to walk in holiness. Conjugally
speaking, holiness is the way to go. Not only is it deeply
satisfying personally, it is also a lot more fun.
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