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 OMEONE
SAID pain is inevitable, but suffering is
optional. Applying this to my own life, as I look back
over my whole life, I see pain present all along but
suffering as option only since I am a priest.
 Being
born into and growing up in a family of fifteen children,
together with our parents, we experienced great poverty,
some hunger, many illnesses, hard work, and trying to
survive. We lived three miles from town and two miles from
school. This meant a lot of walking, poorly clad, and at
best, primitive transportation. Looking back on that time of
my life, I thank the Lord for the valuable experience of
being poor, and also that the gift of faith that was lived
in our family, not only carried us through, but brought us
close to God.
Suffering
became an option in my life as a priest. Focusing on the
life of Jesus and how he suffered for our salvation, and on
the lives of the saints who followed in his footsteps,
helped me to slowly realize that suffering has a purpose and
a meaning in God's plan of salvation for the world.
Through
pain, tiredness, failures, struggles, temptations, and
brokenness I gradually began to realize that I too am a
sinner like everyone else and that I too need salvation.
My
six years of walking with the widowed, separated, and
divorced, was a key time for my conversion and growth. I was
able to get in touch with the true self and let go of the
false self. I began to realize that I had feelings like
everyone else; it was okay to cry; though believing that God
forgave my many sins, I also needed to forgive myself;
suffering was a powerful means of salvation in the lives of
others, but also in my own life. I began to realize that
this slow, painful, and lifetime journey, would reconcile me
with God, with my true self that God created, and with every
person I met.
Many
years ago, I read a talk that the Holy Father gave to those
who suffer. He gave what he called "three little lights" to
help deal with suffering:
The
first little light is to see suffering present in our
lives whether it is physical, emotional, psychological,
moral, family or church related. I must not exaggerate it or
minimize it.
The
second little light is to accept suffering in faith,
that God allows it and turns it around to work good out of
it. This is not a blind resignation, but faith assures us
that the Lord can will draw good out of evil. Suffering
accepted in faith gives rise to serenity and hope. I am to
be as active as possible and assume responsibility for
myself.
The
third and most important light is oblation. The
offering of suffering, made through love of the Lord and
others, leads to a very high degree of charity that absorbs
me into the love of Christ and of the Holy Trinity for
humanity.
These
three little lights have been a tremendous help for me
personally and in my ministry as a priest. They have carried
me through struggles, temptations, two major surgeries, and
continuous conversion. Though I still struggle with
suffering, I am no longer afraid of it. On the contrary, I
find it so meaningful! I see that suffering is the greatest
ministry that I can do as a priest, for my own salvation and
that of others. Jesus saved the whole world by his suffering
and death and resurrection. The closer I come to him on the
cross, the closer I am to the very source of salvation.
Thank you, Jesus!
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